I Love You

***

Ever since he’d first laid eyes on her at Northwood High School’s freshman orientation, Tommy knew she was the one. Her strawberry red hair and cupid’s bow lips drew his focus like a magnet. She had a lean, flowing form that could have come out of one of those fashion mags Tommy’s mom kept piled up in her room. From what he could tell, Lucia was smart, interested in guys, and available, all Tommy had ever wanted of a girl.

Only problem was, he was too afraid to talk to her. Tommy was the “smart" kid, and at Northwood High, “smart” came with connotations. It meant shy, reclusive, and inordinately bookish. It meant a boy who hadn’t even thought of working out, let alone packing on muscle, and who had nothing to offer a girl but tutoring help. It meant a skinny boy of five foot four inches, with a baby face and disheveled, black hair that sometimes obscured his already poor vision when it got in the way of his thick-rimmed glasses. Tommy didn’t mind these stereotypes, though, because admittedly, they were true. So he resorted to stalking her on social media, about as close as he was willing to get to approaching her.

His friends had often told him to just “suck it up” and ask her out, but frankly, the thought scared the shit out of him. He hadn’t held a conversation with a girl for over five seconds, let alone asking one out on a date. Juan told him that was all he needed: five seconds and he’d be through the doorway. But Tommy was more bothered by what he would say or do afterwards. On the date, that is.

After a lot of undue pressure and cajoling, Juan managed to convince Tommy to impress Lucia by showing off his perfect grades. He attained easy A’s on all of his assignments and Mr. Marx, their math teacher, had promised to hand back their midterms on Monday. He’d have to make the move then. During the test, he’d found it strange why his calculator had been returning values that made some of his graphs look a little wonky, but he hadn’t gotten around to checking the settings due to time constraints.

As Tommy worked his way through Northwood High’s start-of-the-week hallway traffic, he tried to tune out the ensemble of noisy yawns from students’ whose minds were stuck back at Saturday. Usually Tommy would have joined in the chorus, but today he was a man on a mission. Juan tagged along with him, furiously rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Tommy’s were fixed ahead and his intense stare cut through the crowd of students like a knife. Once he got to math class, he’d find a spot in the front row, close to where Lucia always sat. Mr. Marx didn’t assign seating, but by this time of year, most kids already had claimed territories. Most likely, Tommy would be pissing off some guy in the front row for a better view of the monitor because his vision was crap, but Tommy’s mind was too preoccupied with Lucia to care. Once Mr. Marx returned his midterm, he’d show it off to Lucia by holding the exam up in a way that revealed the big, fat, glorious A plus on the front page.

“Why’re you so interested in me getting with her, anyway?” said Tommy suddenly, stopping to face Juan. “Like what’s it mean to you?”

Juan didn’t answer, but only smiled suggestively, a slow grin that spread across his face.

“You’re not…you don’t like her, do you?” said Tommy, dying for Juan to deny this.

“C’mon, dude, that’s crazy. I got my own chicks.”

That instant, Tommy caught a glance of red from the corner of his eye. Sure enough it was Lucia at the end of the hall. She looked more stunning today than ever and didn’t need a dab of makeup to prove it. That was what Tommy loved most about Lucia: she was self-confident and obviously couldn’t have cared less about a trip to Sephora or Ulta Beauty. Nor should she; she looked perfect just the way she was.

But as Tommy moved closer, he noticed something off about her that he couldn’t shake. There was an arm slung around her shoulder, and as Tommy traced the dark leather sleeve back to its source, his eyes finally landed on his worst nightmare. Juan followed Tommy’s gaze, but before he could utter a word, the bell rang.

Underneath the din, Tommy felt his knees wobbling. It was confirmed: Zack and Lucia were dating. The very thought almost made him vomit. He stared in horror as Zack hugged Lucia and strolled off to class. Tommy had seen Zack frequently on Lucia’s Instagram, but didn’t think it was anything more than a friendship. He was the most fashionable guy at school and probably had girls lining up to date him. Why did he have to go for Lucia? Tommy needed to get away to process what he had just seen, but before he could even take a step, Juan blocked his path and held on to both of Tommy’s shoulders. 

“Hey, calm down. Doesn’t mean a thing. Lots of girls have guy friends…Lucia included,” he said, obviously concerned, but also slightly amused.

Tommy shook his head in response and tried to break free of Juan’s grip, but his friend held him tight. 

“Are you a man or what?” he said, this time completely serious, “‘Cos if you’re a man, you’ll go out there and show Lucia why she deserves to be with you.”

Upon entering math class, Tommy made a beeline for the front row. He’d never sat in this part of the room before, but Lucia always sat here and he was pretty sure she’d be taking the desk next to him.

Just remember what Juan said, Tommy thought. Keep calm, cool, and confident. And don’t think about Zack- wait I just did.

Tommy looked skeptically back at Juan and tried to signal S.O.S., but his friend was already buried in a science textbook, obviously cramming in study for next period. Some of the kids in the front row glanced up at Tommy. He smiled at them politely and, so as not to look awkward, took his seat. 

Tommy didn’t even need to turn around to know that Lucia had entered the room. It was like they had some sort of supernatural connection that he could just feel her presence. 

His heartbeat quickened.

Suddenly, Tommy’s nostrils filled with a wave of invigorating, fruit-scented perfume. He didn’t dare look to the right. Sweat collected on his forehead and he wiped it off with the back of his hand.

It’s now or never, he thought. Turning to face Lucia, he opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a voice from the back of the room.

“Okay, class!” boomed Mr. Marx, traveling down the center aisle to the front of the classroom. “What’s it going to be? Midterms back now or later?”

The class mumbled in disunity, with some nervous laughs interspersed throughout the room.

“I can’t hear you,” said Mr. Marx.

“Now!” shouted a voice from behind. It was Juan.

“Noted,” said Mr. Marx, taking out his pile of exams. “In that case, let’s start with…you! Juan…”

As Mr. Marx continued down the list, Tommy could feel his nervousness mounting.

“Tommy,” Mr. Marx finally announced.

Tommy’s hand shot up. He deepened his register and emitted a husky “here.” 

He reached out to grab the exam from Mr. Marx’s stern grip and quickly checked his grade: C. At the bottom of the last page, Mr. Marx had written in bold, red ink, “Check your calculator and see me after class.” 

Tommy’s cheeks burned a deep red and stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity. He propped his elbows on the table and cupped his temples with the palms of his hands, staring, shaken, at the sickening letter. The frame of his glasses dug into his face.

Tommy felt a hand on his shoulder. He jerked his head up to see Lucia.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah,” Tommy said weakly. “Just a bit out of sorts.”

Out of sorts? Who says that?

Lucia scanned Tommy’s face, looking concerned.

“Do you need tissues?” she asked.

“Huh?” croaked Tommy. He hadn’t even realized how wet his face was, an ugly mixture of smeared tears and sweat. He took off his glasses and quickly wiped his face with the backs of his hands.

“Oh, no. I’m okay. Thanks, though…for offering,” he said.

“Yeah, no problem,” she said. “Feel better.”

“Thanks,” said Tommy.

There was a brief pause.

Lucia added, “You know I wouldn’t feel too bad about that midterm. I only got a B plus.”

Tommy’s heart lightened, just a bit. But it was all he needed to get out what was on his mind.

“Hey, maybe you’d wanna start studying together then so next time we could both get A’s?” he blurted. 

Lucia’s gaze fell to the floor. Then her color started to change. It took him a few seconds to realize she was blushing, two perfect rose petals flowering across her cheeks.

He quickly added, “Your boyfriend wouldn’t mind, would he?”

She looked up at him inquisitively. The blush was still there, but rapidly fading.

“You’re with Zack right?” Tommy inquired.

Lucia shook her head and laughed.

“Oh no! I love him, but he just so happens to be gay.”

Tommy was blindsided, but only momentarily.

“Well, in that case, wha’d’ya say we have a study date?”

At the end of class, Tommy met up with Juan at the back row. Juan raised an eyebrow and Tommy said, cooly, “I’ll tell you about it at lunch.”

As they started for the door, Tommy heard a voice from behind. It was Mr. Marx.

“Tommy,” he said, “I thought I asked you to meet me now?”

Tommy nodded and motioned to Juan to leave without him.

Juan made out to leave, but then turned around and asked, “So did you do it?”

Tommy held out a fist and unfolded it. In the palm of his hand lay a slip of paper with a number written in beautiful cursive. Each number had a girly flourish and the whole thing was topped off with a heart tagged at the end. Pocketing the note, Tommy turned to face Mr. Marx.